Today should have been happy. A birthday should be a celebration. I put on a happy face, I did my part to be the "happy" person who is moving forward.
I'm not.
Why is this getting harder and harder, why do I find myself waking up in the middle of the night calling Wally's name? Why is it so hard to look at his pictures NOW?
I told myself the day after he died that I would not kill myself over regrets or things I couldn't change.
I do!
I want to be able to look at him and say "I know neither of us meant the things we said to each other in the heat of a fight" I want to say 'I LOVE YOU" I want him to tell me he loves me.
It is tearing me apart that I cant say any of that to him.
I want to go back and make him more comfortable in his times of pain. I wish I was able to have quite my job and be with him all the time. I'm so angry that I didn't have that option.
I don't know how much more I can take.
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